Music and Family

 I ended up interviewing both of my parents (separately) for this. The interviews started with the same question and ended up going in two different directions, but there were some interesting commonalities and, although I won’t be going into it here, I got some fascinating insight into the lineage of my own relationship with music. 

I started out by asking about their first memories or experiences of music. My Dad talked about listening to the music that his parents listened to, mostly Rock and Protest music. He mentioned artists like Simon and Garfunkel, Peter Paul and Mary, Carol King and Roberta Flack. As we got further into the interview he talked more about what drew him to certain songs and he said that lyrics were are what really draw him into songs. I’ll get into that more in just a moment, but the following video is a song by Peter, Paul, and Mary that I think demonstrates beautiful, heartbreaking storytelling with incredible simplicity. This song is a personal favorite and I love this recording because of how they create a touching moment of co-musicking with the audience. I encourage you to pay attention to the lyrics because the cyclical nature of the song is what tells the story:

 

His dad also really enjoyed listening to classical music and had records of Beethoven’s 5th and 9th Symphonies as well as some Tchaikovsky and other Romantic Era composers. 

We then talked about the first record that he owned, The Summer of ‘72,  which he bought from a television commercial when he was ten or eleven. He said that one of his parent must have written a check and sent it in, because he didn’t have a bank account when he was that age. It was around this time or a little after that he started buying more of his own records. He was drawn to artists like Jim Croce, Elton John, James Taylor, and The Eagles and, a little later, Jimmy Buffett, but also listened to popular music. He pointed out that, at the time, you could really only listen to your own music at home, everywhere else it was mostly what was played on the radio. 

We then talked more about the importance of lyrics and he said “The songs that I really resonated with all had really strong lyrics. The music is nice, but I’ve always really resonated with the lyrics.” We talked about some specific songs and lyrics that resonate with us and I said that what he was saying really resonated with me as well. I said, “maybe not just storytelling, but songs that have really powerful lyrics” and that my favorite artist is my favorite because she writes music like poetry. He said, “I think that’s it. Clever turns of a phrase, capturing an emotion in just a few words... that draws me in.” 

When he talked about specific artists he always mentioned their storytelling. For example he said that while he enjoyed Jimmy Buffett’s party songs, he really likes the ballads, like Captain and the Kid, which reminded him of his grandfather. 

In our conversation about the significance of lyrics he referenced the influence of his dad’s relationship with words and writing and storytelling on his own. He talked about how his dad would recite poetry to him, something I am also familiar with because he has recited those same poems to my sister and I since we were very little. Some particular favorites were The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock, Terrence, This Is Stupid Stuff, and i sing of Olaf, all of which I can hear Grandaddy recite his favorite lines from with joy, conviction, and laughter. 

When I asked my mom that same first question about her first memories or experiences of music she talked about a talent show when she was in first grade: “I wanted to be in the talent show and Sister Mary Jean, my first grade teacher, had an autoharp and she helped teach me a song on the autoharp that I performed for the talent show. I didn’t do well but, yeah, that’s the first thing that I can truly remember.” She then said “and later I can remember…. I don’t know how old I was… taking the radio ‘cause that’s what we had. I remember Mama and Uncle Henry (quick aside: my uncle, her brother) and Elli listening to German music and my dad had records.” She talked about her Mama frequently watching The Lawrence Welk Show. I then asked what kind of records her dad had and she said he loved big band music, like Tommy Dorsey and Glen Miller: “he had, like, a book that was a special release of Glen Miller. He loved the big band sound.”

There was a lot of different kinds of music and she said that she “liked an eclectic selection of music” and didn’t really get to a point where there was music that she didn’t like until she was a teenager. At that point she grew tired of the country music that her brother and Mama liked. As she was talking about music in her teenage years she said, “I remember wanting to learn how to play music and learn an instrument, but we didn’t have the means. I know people say that you can still learn, but even when I had to learn recorder [in college] elementary education classes… it was like something in my brain couldn’t unlock. Mama could play the piano, and I wanted to learn but we couldn't afford an instrument or lessons. 

At this point I mentioned that I wondered if something would be different now if she tried to learn because she’s had so many different experiences at this point and that learning for a college class is different than learning for fun. She said “I don’t know. Maybe that’s something to look into. I haven’t really looked into it since then. [Someone] did a hand writing analysis on me and he said there was something musical in there, but I didn’t ask any more about it. You know you see those, like, elite gymnasts and their families say that they were always doing something, like flipping around. And how your sister made up a language when she was little and I knew that she would be good with languages. So I don’t know, I haven’t really explored.”

Toward the end of the conversation she mentioned, “There’s some music that I don’t like. Like anything that’s frantic…. what I call frantic. Like heavy metal or anything with screaming. It makes my body tense.” She went on to talk about how she uses music when she’s walking and if the music doesn’t match her energy then she either has to change it or her pace will change. She then explained how when she taught she would use music in her classroom after recess to help calm the kids down until they were ready to get back to learning. 

As these conversations wound down I asked both of them if there was anything else that they wanted to say about music, their relationship with music, etc. Both of them, in different ways, talked about how music connects them with the past and how powerful music is. 

Mom said “I think it’s often been interesting that people will say, and I’ve said it, ‘the words don’t matter, I just listen to the beat,’ but then you hear a song 30-40 years laters and you know all the words. And I think the music has more of an impact than you really know. I also know that there are songs that come on that may trigger a memory or where I was or people I was with or a season of life. And it can trigger good memories or it can trigger bad memories.” At which point I said, “I think that’s why it can be such a powerful tool in memory care” and she responded, “Yeah! I’ve talked to people that I know who work in memory care and they can put on a song and the person’s whole demeanor will change and when the music is over they change back.” She then went on to talk about specific songs that have had an effect on her in the past, like a time when a song she heard made her think of her mom, who had passed several years before and how specific songs that were sung at the funerals of her Mom and brother evoked really strong emotional responses. 

My Dad also mentioned how music can bring you back to a place where you were when you first heard the song or when it resonated with you for the first time. He said, “Some Jim Croce songs have resonated with me at different times. And even if I’m in a different place, I listen to those songs and it takes me back. Weirdly, some break up songs, and it’s been so long since that happened to me, like One Less Set of Footsteps."

He then ended by saying, “I would probably say that musical experiences are the most likely to evoke a strong emotional response from me. So, like, if something’s going to make me cry, it’s probably a song. I’m talking more in an abstract kind of way, outside of family things. Like, I can think of maybe a few times that a movie has evoked an emotional experience. With a movie, it’s portrayed to you the way it’s portrayed. With a song, or with a book. the picture is in your head. With a movie I’m watching another character, and it’s not me. But with a song, when I listen it reminds me of a moment in my life when that really resonated. It becomes a lot more personal. Like, you’re not telling me about an emotion, I’m having that emotion.”